


Our Purpose

by rainbowpiranha



Series: At The End of the Day [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Belief, Conversation, Friendship, Season 01, Season 01/Episode 04, Season/Series 01, Support, church, conduit, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 14:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowpiranha/pseuds/rainbowpiranha
Summary: Scully finds Mulder in the last place she expected him to be: a church (which is where we leave him at the end of the episode).  Discussions about religion and their purpose in life.





	Our Purpose

**Author's Note:**

> [Assumptions are made about Mulder and Scully’s feelings about religion and Samantha based only off of the information that we have found out in these first four episodes.]
> 
> Set after “Conduit” (Season 1, Episode 4) (That is the episode where they follow a lot of different leads, but ultimately they investigate an abduction of a girl named Ruby.)
> 
> **Warnings:** Brief mentions of past not wanting to live by Mulder and slightly rude language that probably shouldn’t be spoken in a church.

Dana Scully was, by her own description, a rational, evidence-dependent, calculating woman.  If you asked Fox Mulder, he would say that she was so dependent on traditional evidence that it made her blind to see the proof of extraterrestrial existence that was right in front of her.

But, to Scully, not everything needed hard evidence.  Science and faith could exist together.  For her, her faith was just that—faith.  It was this belief in a higher power that helped her find her purpose in life.  She could use her calculating science-brained side to speculate why other people acted the way that they did, and use her religious-brained side to understand why she was put on this Earth.  Her Roman Catholic faith was more than just something she grew up with, it was an essential part of her being.

Mulder, though raised Protestant, had trouble mixing his faith with his work.

So it came as a surprise to Scully when she entered the dimly-lit church to find Mulder seated in one of the pews.

She debated with herself about talking to him or not, not knowing if he wanted to be left alone after such a personal case.  Deciding to sit near him to alert him of her presence, justified by the fact that sometimes she would go to church to feel closer to God, so maybe Mulder needed to feel closer to somebody.

“Mulder,” Scully greeted softly as she sat down on the same pew as Mulder, leaving enough space between the, for him to ignore her if he wanted to be alone.

Mulder nodded his acknowledgement of her presence, but said nothing, so Scully folded down the kneeling pad in front of her and lost herself in her own prayers, with her eyes closed and her hands folded.  She started as she always did, thanking God for the safety and health of her loved ones, and extended that to the safety of herself and Mulder after they returned from a case that could have easily gotten them shot, killed, and buried in the middle of nowhere.  She prayed for the continued healing of Ruby, and for peace of mind to Ruby’s mom and the town as a whole as they continued to deal with murders, potential abductions, and disappearances.  

She opened her eyes and was about of push herself to standing up when she glanced over at Mulder and noticed his tears and the picture he was clutching in his hands.  

Scully shut her eyes again and continued, _And please help Mulder find peace with his sister’s abduction.  Or, rather, please guide me as I try to help him come to peace with losing her.  I’m not quite sure how to do that, but I’m more than willing to try.  Amen._

Wincing as her knees cracked, Scully rose slowly and folded up the cushioned bar, situating herself so when she sat back down on the pew, she was sitting much closer to Mulder.

“That’s Samantha, isn’t it?” she asked, pointing to the photograph that Mulder was holding.

He nodded and explained, “This is the last photo we have of her, before she disappeared.”

“I’m so sorry you never found your answers,” Scully replied as she squeezed Mulder’s should gently.  

“I haven’t yet,” admitted Mulder.  “But that doesn’t mean I’ll never find the answers...That I’ll never find her.”

“Mulder, you can’t-” Scully paused, unsure of how to broach the subject.  “Do you expect to find her alive?”

“I don’t know what I expect anymore, to be honest Scully,” Mulder replied as another silent wave of tears spilled down his cheeks.  “I would close my eyes and open the bedroom door every night, hoping that when I’d open the door and open my eyes, Samantha would be there.  Eventually I stopped doing that, but I never gave up hope.  But even though I had hope, I got mad, Scully.  I started blaming God for not returning my sister.  After all, if aliens aren't real like everyone was telling me, then who else could lift a child out of the room and take them away other than God?  And next I stopped believing in absolutely everything—there were no such thing as aliens, and God didn’t exist.  I lost my will to live.  I behaved recklessly.  I was so excited when they recruited me to the F.B.I. because I thought that was my chance to die honorably.”  He paused and ran his thumb over the photograph.  “But then I came across The X-Files and saw unexplained cases that could lead me to answers.  I found my purpose again.  Maybe I won’t find Samantha, but if I can help find evidence of other abductions, of other extraterrestrial activity, then maybe Samantha’s disappearance wasn’t in vain.  Maybe it was somebody's, or something’s, plan for me to use the pain from losing Samantha to help others.  Or maybe it’s all just bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, Mulder,” Scully replied after taking a moment to process everything Mulder had said.  “Your passion, and purpose, is clearly related to The X-Files.  And just because I’m skeptical, doesn’t mean you should give up.  You clearly know what they say about you at the F.B.I., and you know why they assigned me to work with you, but you kept going.  So why give up now?  Why suddenly second guess what you’ve been doing?”

“Because I’m a shitty person, Scully,” Mulder spit out, new tears running down his face, even though he didn't want to show this much vulnerability to his new partner.  “I should have been happy Ruby was back.  Don’t get me wrong, part of me was happy she was found safely.  But a larger part of me was resentful.  Why did she get to come back when my sister didn’t?  What greater power did I piss off to not deserve my sister back?”

“Mulder, God doesn’t work that way,” Scully explained carefully.  “It’s not that you didn’t deserve your sister back.  It’s that somebody, or something, took your sister.  That has nothing to do with religion.  That has to do with people, or little gray men, not behaving the way that God wants us to, or the way that anybody should behave regardless of their faith.”

Mulder let out a shaky laugh.  “Did _the_  Dana Scully just admit that little grey men could have taken my sister?”

She huffed and replied, “No!  I’m just saying, maybe what you’re meant to do in this life is help other people through The X-Files.  In just the brief time I’ve been working with you, we’ve put killers behind bars and solved crimes that were previously listed as cold cases.  And while I still firmly believe everything we’ve seen has to do with humans finding new ways to terrorize themselves, it doesn’t mean stopping those dangerous people is worthless.”

“Is that how you’re justifying your work with The X-Files, Scully?” Mulder asked, trying not to sound cold, but needing an answer.  “You got sent to the basement to spy on ol’ Spooky Mulder, and you stay with the hope of cracking cold cases?”

“To be frank, Mulder, I don’t care who, or what, is behind the cases we investigate as long as the victims get justice,” Scully explained.  “And I’m not spying on you, per se.  The F.B.I. wants to know that The X-Files are worth keeping open, and they’re going to decide that based partially off of my field reports.”

“They know about my sister, and I know they think that I’m constantly looking for her instead of doing my work.  But, why can’t I do both?” Mulder questioned.  “Why can’t I  solve some X-Files while looking for Samantha, or at least while finding evidence that helps me learn what happened to her?”

“You can, Mulder,” replied Scully.  “You just might want to tone down the whole little gray men thing and focus on evidence instead.”

“I focus on evidence and follow faith,” Mulder explained.  “Which is part of why I think one day you’ll come around to seeing things for more than just what we’ve been told to believe them to be.”  He reached over and gently fingered the gold cross Scully wore around her neck.  “You clearly have faith, it just may need to be stretched in a different direction from time to time.”

“We’ll see, Mulder,” Scully replied.  “We’ll see.”  

They sat in silence for a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts.  

“Come on,” Scully finally said, patting Mulder's knee.  “Let’s go get some food and take a break from the world for awhile.”

Mulder nodded and followed Scully out, knowing that he needed to refuel and refocus before he could get back to his search for The Truth.  

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think (good and bad). This series is different from how I normally write because it’s more free-flowing and more focused on individual plot points instead of overarching themes, so if anything seems completely off, please let me know.  
> You can contact me on here or at: https://medley-of-my-trans-life.tumblr.com/


End file.
